One of the things I’ve noticed that an increasingly digitized world has changed for us is that we “like” a lot of people’s images, quotes, thoughts, announcements, etc. that they put in their online posts, but how often do we “like” people in their physical presence or in other concrete (non-digital) ways? Even with those friends with whom we share our deeper, more well-considered thoughts, feelings, observations, and reflections, how often do we tell them we enjoy them and what they’re sharing? It’s so easy to click that little heart on social media because it doesn’t really require any vulnerability on our part. We’re not even looking the person in the eyes. It is a little to no risk situation to express this small gesture in the online sphere. What makes it harder to do this in real life?
I recently read a book that was entirely made up of interviews with the author’s closest friend who was in the last days of his life. He had lived an enormously rich life — bursting with robust unconditional Love practices, awakened perceptions, spiritual intelligence, and heart. As is natural in the last days of one’s life, he was uniquely reflective. At a certain point, their time talking naturally guided him to reminisce about people that were special to him. He told a story of one of their mutual friends with great warmth and said, “She simply sparkled.” The author responds to this by writing, “I wish she could have heard him say that about her. He would have never told her that to her face. But it was so loving and warm the way he said it. She would have loved it.”
And this made me think: Why do we wait? Why don’t we tell the people we like or love that we like or love them? Why don’t we offer words of appreciation or enjoyment to those we appreciate and enjoy? What are we afraid of?
We sometimes experience regret (which I like to call, “delayed insight”) when we lose someone — to death or another way — and we haven’t told them all the things in our hearts that we wished we would have. We put off expressing these things, perhaps imagining that we can do it later. But sometimes we lose the chances we have and we are left reflecting them to others or just to ourselves.
But I would like to spark a tiny, personal revolution: Don’t wait. Tell people in small, heartfelt ways that you appreciate them. You can write a letter, you can share in person when it feels right. Offer a compliment. Share a tender observation. Do a small, kind act for the person. With warm eyes, smile. Make eye contact, for that matter! You don’t need to overthink what you say or do because then you may not do it. Just go for it.
Go ahead and like someone in real life. May we keep discovering what is possible.